Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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