:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
