Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
