As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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