Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
