i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
