I look better un-naked...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
its liver damage thursday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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