I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
