my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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