You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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