He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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