I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
