Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
