Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
