Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize