taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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