Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
