i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
