I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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