Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
