Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize