you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
