I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
