Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
mondays should just be called national damage control day
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize