Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize