My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize