I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
