So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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