your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
