I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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