If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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