i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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