This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
