Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
