my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a search helicopter?!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize