the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come see our sink grown plant.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
