Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize