You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
