Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
