If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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