I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
