you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
