My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
