What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
