wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
