is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think a kid would responsible me up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i believe in u and ur pee
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