I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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