Your tits are I can't wait for
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
