He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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