Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
