I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
