so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
