I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
