Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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