Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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