Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
