woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
