If that was your dad, he is hot
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize