mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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