I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
