I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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