I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
