Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
