3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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