Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Couch. On fire.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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