oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize