don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
