It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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