Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
