That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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